First Page Friday

I am excited it's Friday because I have some great plans for the weekend AND because we get another First Page Friday!  Today Ms. Shreditor talks about scene flow and tension, something I can always work on.

As always, thank you to the author and our editor for their efforts.  If you would like your first page critiqued, send your double-spaced 12 pt. font first page to juliecoulterbellon@gmail.com We still have one opening for August.

See you next week!

The Entry
The Cove
by Julie Spencer

“Why did you do that?” she demanded, standing in his lit doorway, dripping wet in her custom-made designer swimsuit. He stood with the screen door still closed between them, a look of confusion and anger across his face. Gail pushed the door opened and stomped into his house, not really caring that she was leaving water all across his linoleum floor. He silently grabbed the kitchen towel from the handle on the stove and stooped down to wipe up the mess. Out of spite, she grabbed her long hair in her hands and wrung the water from it so that it left an even bigger pool of water beside her. He just took a deep breath, as if to calm himself into not getting angry, and wiped up that mess as well. When he stood up, he tossed the towel at her chest.

“Dry yourself off,” Todd snapped at her. “You’re making a mess in my kitchen.” He walked back over to the counter where he had been making himself a sandwich. The thought occurred to her that she didn’t know how he could possibly be hungry after the huge buffet he’d had access to for the last few hours. It passed quickly when she reminded herself how angry she was with him.

“Why did you have to show up there anyway?” she asked, a little less fiercely but still with intended bitterness.

“I was invited!” He turned back to her with fierceness in his eyes. “By your fiancé!” He spat the words at her and she flinched back from his accusing eyes. He stepped away from the counter and crossed the room to her. She was kind of glad that he had put down the knife he had been using to cut the salami for his sandwich. Not that she thought he would ever really get that mad that he might hurt her, it just would have felt a little more threatening. “Do you have any idea how much Patrick loves you? How much it’s going to hurt him when he finds out that you’re engaged to someone else?”

Ms. Shreditor Comments

This story certainly cranks up the drama. There’s a strong undercurrent of anger and resentment between Gail and Todd as she drips water on his floor and he slices his sandwich meat. I’m a bit confused about the sequence of events here, though. If I’ve read correctly, Gail has been swimming while Todd was at some sort of event with Gail’s fiancé, Patrick. Gail comes charging in, asking why he’s done something, but it’s unclear how we’ve gotten to this point, with the two of them facing off at his door. Did she hear Todd’s car drive up while she was swimming and approach the house? If Todd is her man on the side, why is she at his house swimming while he’s not home? Or is Patrick the man on the side?

This first page leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions. How did Gail end up engaged to two men at once? There are plenty of stories involving characters who are involved with two people at once, but having this character be engaged to both of them ups the ante quite a bit. How do Todd and Patrick know one another? Which one did Gail get engaged to first? (If she accepted Patrick’s proposal after she got engaged to Todd, it seems odd that Todd would have stayed with her. If she got engaged to Patrick first, why would Todd have gone so far as to propose to her when she was already engaged? That’s a huge leap.)

There are a lot of effective devices at work in this scene—the way the dripping water heightens the tension, Todd’s very palpable anger, and the love triangle already in motion. I’ve mentioned in past columns that the first page should leave the reader with questions that propel them to the next page, and the next. However, I feel like we’ve stumbled into the middle of a story without enough context to make sense of what’s happening.

So what’s the solution? It’s a tough call. I like so much about how this scene flows, so I wouldn’t want to reinvent the wheel if I were editing this. I would, however, want to drop a few more details to ground the reader and provide some much-needed context. In reading this story, we’re signing on for what promises to be a juicy love triangle (a plot that will sell books until the end of time), but if we’re going to stick with it, we need to understand a few key details about the two relationships in question.

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Three Tips for Writing A Plot Twist

I was sitting on my bed a few weeks back, thinking about my manuscript.  I liked the plot, I liked the characters, but something was missing.  I felt the plot and the conclusion were a bit too obvious and had been done before.  

I jotted down a few ideas for different conclusions to my plot, even some crazy stuff, but nothing was jumping out at me that I could really work with until right before I went to sleep that night.  Then the perfect plot twist hit me.

I quickly wrote it down before the idea slipped away and as I've been researching and writing it in, I can't tell you how excited I am getting about this book.  That plot twist added a whole new dimension to the book, the story, and my characters and I love it.

The thing about plot twists, though, is that you have to make it believable.  You can just pull it out of nowhere or your readers will shake their head and say, yeah, that didn't work for me.  

It is important to make sure there are subtle clues leading up to the plot twist that your reader can go back and say, oh yeah, now I see why that was important.

So, to sum up, in writing plot twists:

1.  Brainstorm different conclusions to the plot---even jot down the crazy ideas.  Your brain will start working on it and before you know it, the perfect plot twist will hit you.

2.  Make it believable.  Don't pull it out of the hat because you lose your readers' trust if you do.  Doing it for shock and effect rarely works unless you've put in the planning and effort.  Readers aren't dumb and will see it for what it is---lazy writing.

3.  Always plan subtle clues leading up to the plot twist so your reader can be surprised, enjoy the unexpected, and still feel satisfied in the story.

Can you think of any favorite book/movie plot twists off the top of your head?

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I'm Sprinting, Come Join Me!

Okay, you know the drill.  Start at 8:00 p.m. and check in every fifteen minutes with your word count.  We go until 9:00 p.m.

See you in fifteen!

Ready, Set, GO!

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Word Count Wednesday

It has been another great week for my word count---just over 4200 words.  I'm so excited about this manuscript and the direction it's going in.  I just put in a great plot twist that makes me smile every time I think about it.

How did you do this week?

And yes, I will be sprinting tonight at 8 p.m. MST as usual.  I hope someone can join me tonight!  See you then.

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Writing Time: Snatches or Block?

I was reading another writer's blog yesterday and I was disheartened to read their thoughts that you can't get quality writing done in snatches of time.  Quality writing is achieved when you have a minimum two hour block of time per day to write.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing what they said or their thoughts on the subject, but that hasn't been my experience at all.  I can't recall ever having two hours per day of writing time.  Ever.  I have eight children and a life that intrudes upon my writing all the time.  All I have been able to do is write in snatches of time.

I have had this argument with writers before, that quality writing deserves quality time and if you're only writing in snatches then it's a hobby not a business.  I've heard those arguments.  And I argue against them because my perspective and my experience has been different.  I have published nine books since 2004 and I've done it only writing in snatches of time with some hours on weekends when my husband or older children have taken the younger ones for a time so I could write.  But that doesn't happen every day.  And yet I still look upon my writing as something I love, a way for me to share my talent, and yes, to earn money.

I'm not negating anyone's experience because I believe writing is personal.  Everyone's journey is different, everyone's way of doing things is different. But we all have one common goal---to share our stories with readers who will appreciate them.  If my situation requires that I prepare my scenes and dialogue while I'm changing messy diapers and playing Barbies and then writing as fast as I can while Barney is on, then so be it.  If you need two hours per day to write your book, then that's great, too.  But is it fair to say that someone's writing isn't quality unless they have written it in a block of time vs. snatches of time?

I don't think so.  What do you think?

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Book Review: Longing For Home

Today I am THRILLED to be part of the blog tour for Sarah Eden's new book Longing for Home because I love all of Sarah's books.  There is just something about her characters and style of writing that strikes a chord with me.  This book was no different.

We are introduced to Katie MacCauley who is traveling to the Wyoming territory to accept a job as a housekeeper.  She is traveling in the back of a family wagon, uncomfortable around children because of what happened to her sister.  The first line of the book is, "Eighteen years had passed since Katie Macauley killed her sister."  If that doesn't make you want to keep reading and find out more, I don't know what will.  And yes, what happened to her sister is a big part of the book and who Katie is today.

She makes it to her new employer's house who fires her as soon as she opens her mouth and he realizes she is Irish.  You see, the town is divided between the Irish and the Americans of the town and Katie tips the balance.  Her employer, Joseph Archer, is trying to remain neutral and if he keeps her on, the other people in the town might get upset.

Katie needs the promised employment so she can return to Ireland and make amends to her family so she forces his hand. It's so incredible to me how the author is able to write someone so tenacious and vulnerable at the same time.  I loved Katie and her personality.  She was true to herself, worried about the people around her, and yet battling her own demons at the same time.  The author creates a town filled with people that are endearing, horrible, annoying, and compassionate, but always believable. Some of the things the Irish suffer through made my fingers turn pages faster so I could see how the town/Irish would deal with it.  I have Irish ancestors of my own who suffered during the famine and came to Canada, so I really felt connected to these people.

The best part of the book for me, besides Katie as a character, was the love triangle.  I love Tavish and all his humor on the outside and real depth on the inside.  The other part of the triangle was a bit of a surprise and I don't know how I feel about that part yet.  I think I'm firmly Team Tavish right now.

I realized that there is a sequel to the book and was worried that this would be a cliffhanger ending (I hate those) but I should have known Sarah Eden wouldn't do that to her readers.  The ending was great and I honestly can't wait for the sequel and to find out what happens next for Katie.

This book is a definite five stars from me.  Every historical fiction fan should read this book and put it on your Christmas and birthday lists.  Completely loved it.

Here's the back copy:

Though she was only a child during the darkest days of Ireland’s Great Famine, Katie Macauley feels responsible for the loss of her family’s land and the death of her sister. Now a woman grown, Katie has left Ireland for America and the promise of earning money enough to return home again and plead for her family’s forgiveness. She arrives in Hope Springs, Wyoming Territory, a town sharply divided between the Americans who have settled there, with their deep hatred of the Irish, and the Irish immigrants who have come searching for a place to call home. Her arrival tips the precarious balance, and the feud erupts anew. Even in the midst of hatred and violence, however, Katie finds reason to hope. Two men, as different as they are intriguing, vie for her heart, turning her thoughts for the first time toward a future away from Ireland. Katie must now make the hardest decision of her life: stay and give her heart a chance at love, or return home and give her soul the possibility of peace.

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First Page Friday

This was a fun First Page Friday because I really wanted to read more of this story!  Ms. Shreditor has some great points, and I'm wondering now what the answers are to her questions.  These are the kind of First Page Fridays that I really learn from.

As always, thank you to our author and editor for their effort.  You are so appreciated!

If you would like to have your first page critiqued by a national editor, submit your double-spaced 12 pt. font first page to juliecoulterbellon@gmail.com with First Page Friday in the subject line.  We have one opening left in August.

See you next week!


The Entry
Better Than Fiction
by Emily Clawson

Isabella raised a hand to her forehead and sighed. How could he say such things to her? Wasn't it enough that her uncle was forcing her into this marriage against her will? Against her heart. She had suffered enough. Frederick's words only confused her more.

        "Say you will be mine. My dear Isabella, I can't live without you." He held his hands out in a silent plea. Isabella could only stare at him - so strong, so handsome in his black, silk tails and creamy satin cravat. For just a moment she wanted to reach for his hands, to let him take her away from her Uncle's cruel control. But she was too afraid he would hurt her.

        "I can't Frederick. I must be true to my heart." She blinked, a single tear falling from her lavender eyes. 

        "So must I”, he replied, pulling her roughly into his arms. "And you, my darling, are my heart. You are my soul and my very reason for living." 

        Isabella sighed again, this time in defeat. How could she resist any longer? With a groan of delight, Frederick bent his head to steal a kiss.

My iPod reached the end of the playlist and the music disappeared, pulling me away from the words on the computer screen. Wasn't that playlist three hours long? A quick glance at the clock sent me scurrying to get dressed for work.

Whisker Face brushed against my leg, nearly tripping me as I tried to pull off my pajamas.

"Not now, sweetie. I spent too much time writing and I'm late." He slunk away to curl up on my chair, enjoying the warmth I'd left behind. 

How I envied him. Staying home and spending my day with Isabella and Frederick was much more inviting than the Java Stop. Eight hours of dispensing and mixing lattes for the same crowd, always rushing in and rushing out. I was pretty sure I was the only Mormon girl who constantly smelled like coffee.

Ms. Shreditor's Comments

I’m sensing a trend! The structure of this sample reminds me very much of the one I critiqued a few weeks ago. It starts with a passage from the protagonist’s work in progress and then flips to the protagonist’s perspective. I do tend to enjoy this tactic because, really, who doesn’t like a good literary fakeout? I particularly liked that the author italicized the font in the excerpt from narrator’s manuscript. The slight variation in typography makes it clear that the opening paragraphs are an entity separate from the regular roman text that follows.

I want to be sensitive as I critique the excerpt from the heroine’s novel in progress, because I’m not entirely certain my reaction was the intended one. The thing is, it amused me. It’s a hotbed of romance clichés, from the hand to the forehead to the theatrical sighing, from the emotionally overwrought dialogue to the forced marriage setup, from Frederick’s rough handling of Isabella to his groan of delight, from Isabelle’s lavender eyes to Frederick’s stolen kiss. It was good, campy fun, and if it was written to be just that, the author of this week’s first page fired on all cylinders. Working that many romance writing tics into half a page indicates a really sophisticated understanding of what does and doesn’t work in a story.

After I read the protagonist’s narrative in the second half, I went back and re-read the Isabella/Frederick scene through new goggles. It reads a lot like wish fulfillment fiction (i.e., the author writes herself, thinly disguised as the heroine, into a fantasy scenario to live out her unfulfilled desires). Is this the case here? If so, the work in progress acts as an unconventional vehicle for characterization. We learn more about the narrator through that scrap of writing than we might from a few lines of straight biography. Perhaps our narrator is feeling unfulfilled in her love life. Perhaps she has been treated cruelly by someone in her past, much like Isabella has been mistreated by her uncle. Perhaps her own life is so unexciting that she escapes to fictional realms to spice things up.

Ultimately, I choose to believe that the author wrote Isabella’s part of the story with the intention to violate as many tenets of good romance writing as possible, that this story reflects a certain romantic immaturity on the protagonist’s part that will develop as the story progresses. If I’m right, I think we have a pretty good first page here!

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