Word Count Wednesday

Well, today is the last day of November and the last day of JuCanWriMo. As you may recall, my goal was to write 18,000 words this month.

As I added up my totals this morning and added on what I got this week, (which was 4004 words) I am so excited to tell you that---

*drum roll*

my final word count in JuCanWriMo was 18,890 words!!

Woohoo! I made my goal. Just barely, but I still made it. It was probably one of the most productive Novembers I've ever had and I'm so glad you were a part of that for me. Thank you so much for all your encouragement.

How did you do this week?

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Book Review: Marian's Christmas Wish

This is one Christmas story you should definitely pick up. Carla Kelly brings to life a story of love and family and Christmas in a regency romance and then mixes it with intrigue and diplomacy and attempted murder that made this a book I could not put down.

We are introduced to Marian Wynswich, the girl who is trying to hold her family together after the untimely death of their father. He has left them with lots of debts and when big brother Percy comes home for the holidays, he brings with him the foul Sir William Clinghorn, who is to marry Marian’s older sister and save the family estate. This becomes more horrific to say the least, as we get to know Sir William, but also leads to some laugh out loud moments. The other guest Percy has brought is a diplomat, the Earl of Ingraham, a man with a scarred face and a mysterious air. Marian finds a friend in him as they find they have more in common than they thought.

Things take a turn and through extraordinary circumstances that made me laugh, Lord Ingraham finds himself on his way home to Bath, with Marian and her younger brother Alistair to accompany him. The plot really thickens as the mystery surrounding Lord Ingraham is slowly unraveled, and the intrigue is drawn out so much that I was turning pages into the wee hours of the morning when I should have been sleeping, just so I could see how it all ended. My only complaint was that the heroine was so young in contrast with the hero, (she’s sixteen, he’s twenty-eight) (and he called her ‘brat’ as an endearment) and I would have wished her to be even a year or two older. Other than that small issue, I really enjoyed this book.

It’s a beautiful Christmas story full of fun, with a dose of true love, and the spirit of giving. I am hoping Carla has written more stories about this family because they are delightful.

Here is the back copy:

Miss Marian Wynswich is a rather unconventional young lady. She plays chess, reads Greek, and is as educated as any young man. And she s certain falling in love is a ridiculous endeavor and vows never to do such a thing. But everything changes when she receives a Christmas visit from someone unexpected--- a young and handsome English lord

Click here to find it on Amazon (The Kindle version is currently $2.99)

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A Small Black Friday Rant

Last Friday, I ventured out later in the afternoon with my son and daughter because we’ve been looking for a coat for my daughter for some time and thought we’d see what was on sale. That was a big mistake.

I pulled into the parking lot of the store we were going into, and spied a car just pulling out of a parking space near the doors. I hurried over and just as I was about to pull into the parking space the truck just down the row laid on its horn and the driver began gesturing and yelling through the windshield. It was obvious he was angry because he wanted that parking spot.

As he continued to make gestures and scream at me and honk his horn, I put up my hands, backed away and found another parking spot. FOUR SPACES DOWN.

Yep, he was putting on a big display of anger over a parking spot that was four spaces closer to the door. I think the saddest thing, though, was that he did all of that in front of children, not only mine, but his own and all the families in the parking lot.

I know this is going to sound kind of rant-y, but how ridiculous is it that we “kick off” the Christmas season by Black Friday events that are starting earlier and earlier, encroaching on the family time of Thanksgiving, and now include anger, pushing, shoving, people being Mace’d, trampled, and in general just treated badly all around the country. All for some “great deals.” (And I feel the most sorry for the people who have to work these sales and deal with these sorts of customers.)

It stuns me that people forget basic civility over “getting a deal.” The Christmas season isn’t supposed to be about getting stuff. It seems that some have lost the vision of what love and giving truly is all about.

I’m going to step off my soapbox today, and enjoy the Christmas decorations that are now up in my home and maybe sip a cup of hot chocolate and remember the good things in my life. And resolve right now to never go shopping on Black Friday again and to truly try to meet anger with kindness. Maybe I’ll make that my Christmas resolution.

Are any of you Black Friday shoppers?

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First Page Friday

I am always so grateful to those who have submitted to First Page Friday to have their work critiqued by professional editors. Angela and Ms. Shreditor are some of the best editors I’ve come across and I’m so happy they offer their services to us on this blog so we can all learn from them.

If you are interested in submitted your first page, we are now taking submissions that will be critiqued in January. (We caught up and we’re so happy!) So polish up your stellar first page and see what a national editor has to say about it.

(I did want to mention that I walk a fine line with my blog because I don’t want to have it flagged as inappropriate by the internet filter on my computer, so I think it's best that I don't post swearing on First Page Friday submissions. Thank you so much for understanding.)

Today's submission has some language, but in order to access my page and because my no swearing policy wasn't clear, (and I didn't hear back from the author before today to discuss it further), out of respect for her, I just blanked them out. I hope the author will understand that I wasn't trying to change her intent in any way.

Today's critique is so useful for all of us, I really appreciate the submission!

The Entry
Bad Habit
by Crystal Cheverie

“Wake up.” Nothing.
 
D--n, she hated this part. Marie nudged – Wayne? Wade? Will? – in the side with her foot. There was a groan, but Marie’s hopes were soon dashed as Walter, Warner, whoever the h--l he was simply turned over under the white cotton sheets and resumed snoring. Clearly this called for extreme measures.
 
Marie stalked into the washroom, yanked her red washcloth off the rack and pulled the sleeves of her father’s old plaid shirt up to her knobby elbows. She wet the cloth under a stream of cold water and wrung it out just a little to avoid drips. Marie walked back over to the bed, standing over Winston, Wally, oh, f-- it, him, and made one last attempt to be civil.
 
“Hey. Wakey-wakey there, boy-o.” Still nothing. With a sigh, Marie held the cloth just above his head, and gave a twist.
 
“Argh! What the hell?” He sprang up, wiping at the water now dripping down his face. Marie backed up, ready to call her big German shepherd-husky mix Bruno if necessary. With a final face scrub, he crossed his thick, sunburned arms across his chest and fixed her with a baleful stare. “Was that really necessary?”
 


Angela's Review:

Strong points:

So there are a couple things agents/publishers are looking for when they decide to read a few pages of a manuscript. They might ask two questions of the sample: 1) am I hooked/intrigued by the beginning so that I want to keep reading, 2) am I passionate about the character/story as I read further? So my review is going to mostly focus on things to consider for the 2nd point, as I think you have achieved something that fulfills the first requirement—generally. I have a few comments below on how you could up the interest factor even more on the first page, but you have gotten my attention and I would read more just to answer a few questions for myself.

Interesting characterization would keep me reading. The questions to which I want to discover the answers, and which would motivate me to read on, are as follows:

“She hated this part”: Which part, exactly? Waking up after a one-night-stand and realizing someone you don’t know is in your bed and you’re going to have to ask them to leave so you can pull yourself together? Or having to wake up someone whose name you can’t remember, which makes you feel embarrassed and maybe secretly ashamed of yourself? (Both imply that she engages in one-night-stands frequently, so I wonder what her issues and needs are as a character; and the 2nd implies that she’s particularly callous/distant from people and that she uses men for impulse-need fulfillment rather than seeking relationships. This does make her an admittedly interesting character, as stereotypically women are the ones seeking commitment and men fulfill the one-night-stand-who-can’t-remember-your-name role. (In addition, if she thinks she might need to call her dog to protect her, there’s the possible implication that she REALLY doesn’t know this guy at all, which makes us wonder if she was drunk or something when she brought him home; so then we wonder what motivated such a drinking binge).

What is the huge rush anyway? Why does his not waking up call for drastic measures? Does she want to get the virtual stranger out of her house immediately because she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to actually develop a relationship? Or is there some other reason? And why the super uncivil approach—seems extreme. Again, it would support the idea that she’s afraid to let him hang around too long, or afraid to let him see a softer side, or doesn’t like something about him and so definitely doesn’t want him to get ideas about her? Or is she just mean for no reason related fears and insecurities? Her behavior reads as really angry or annoyed. So is it at him or herself?


Your nice use of description and general word economy paints a very intriguing psychological picture of Marie that makes us curious; is she a tomboy, given her dad’s shirt and the big, masculine dog? She doesn’t have to be, but the description made me curious—gave me a glimpse of her that I wanted to see more of so I could put the clues together. (The only line that raised a red flag with word economy was the line about the dog.)

Passing the 2nd test—establishing reader passion for Marie and her story:

Here are the elements of your story that might require attention; you may have already nailed these after the first page, but if not, consider:

1)The story is supposed to be romantic comedy. Right now the opening scene isn’t giving me a clear feeling of comedy. It is slightly comedic in a slapstick/cliché sort of way. I don’t think the opening is cliché, mind you, as the character is interesting, but the setup is cliché. Even though you’ve turned things on their head in terms of the usual jerky-male stereotype, the humor in the scene feels minimal.

2) I think part of that is due to the problem of not having much of Marie’s motivations. Your strengths in terms of creating a character we have questions about is a double-edged sword in this case—we may have too many questions. Not giving us any clear hints at her motives makes her a little bit unempathetic as we leave the first page of the story. The reader is asking, right along with the male victim, “Was that really necessary?” If you can imbue this scene with a little more humor—particularly humor coming from Marie’s point of view, so we have a sense of who she is or what she’s thinking—then I think the reader is more apt to like Marie despite her rather uncivil behavior.

She’s currently lacking in qualities that would make her really empathetic (swearing and rude behavior isn’t usually endearing), which is important, especially for a romantic comedy’s lead. Chic lit gave us a harder, more whiny female lead, but there was that soft underbelly exposed through the self-deprecating humor, so one could connect to such a character. A similar tactic, but in your own style and avoiding the whininess of the now-gone chic lit genre, would really make your opening even more engaging—enjoyable to read as well as simply interesting.

I assume you’ll expand on the character’s more likable side and the humor within a couple pages—especially since that’s all the time an agent will give a new book. But if not, and you are going to take a while to show us her vulnerabilities, you may want to provide some motivation and some stronger, more original humor here so that we empathize more with her predicament. Marie reminds me slightly of someone like Stephanie Plum from the Janet Evanovich series (that sort of tougher city girl that grew up with brothers or something), but the quirky humor in the Evanovich series attacks you as soon as you open the book. Which is an extra draw for the agent or editor looking for a new voice.

Conclusion: All in all, your style is clean, crisp, and strong, and your central character gets my interest right out of the gate, but based on the current level of competition out there today, I think you could add just a tad more humor and eccentricity to the opening to make it really stand out. You want a character that we instantly care about, as well as find interesting, because when we care, and we see what’s at stake for her (hopefully within a couple pages), we’re biting our nails as she faces those stakes. I think you’re almost there. Best of luck!


Thank you again to Angela and Crystal. Lots to think about! See you next week.

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Thanksgiving Book Reviews--Cold River & Not What She Seems

My turkey is roasting in the oven as I write this and my children are all safe at home and waiting for me so we can start our board game marathon. I am grateful for so many things this year. I would list them for you, but you would probably be bored.

One of the things I am grateful for, though, is books. I am grateful for authors who have amazing stories to share and go through all the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get those stories into my hands so I can enjoy and experience them.

Two books I’ve finished recently are Cold River by Liz Adair and Not What She Seems by Victorine Lieske. They are both romantic suspense and both edge of your seat books.



Cold River introduces us to Dr. Megan Steenburg who has taken a job in a small town with a few secrets. She tries to fit in and do her job, but harmless pranks against her soon turn deadly and Megan can’t figure out who is trying to kill her. I couldn’t either and was very surprised when the villain was revealed.

The thing I liked best about this story is that is was such a slow burn with the mystery and the romance. It all starts out so innocently, but the warmer we get to figuring things out, the hotter the plot seems to burn. It wraps you up like the water surrounding a frog in a pot, turning up the heat until you hadn’t even realized it’s all about to boil over. Very well done.

Probably the next best thing is that we are given an in-depth Northwestern setting with quirky characters in a charming town. I don’t know that I’ll ever hear someone say herbs again and not think of Mrs. Berman. The setting was just so well done and I could easily imagine the cabins, Qwik E Mart, and school district offices. It was obvious that the author loves this part of the world because it was so evident in the beautiful and lyrical descriptions.

I also liked how Megan was portrayed and we got to know her so well. She was so layered and easy to like. I really felt her emotions as she tried to sort out the events surrounding her. There was also such a good romantic triangle in the book, I was a teensy bit disappointed that it was all wrapped up so quickly because I felt rushed and I wanted to really see her choice reflected in her actions, but overall, this was a book that I would definitely read again on a rainy day. Another plus is the intensely creepy cover. I loved it!

Here’s the back copy for it:

Mandy Steenburg thinks her doctorate in education has prepared her to run any school district—until she tangles with the moonshine-making, coon-dog-owning denizens of a tiny district in Pacific Northwest timber country.

She's determined to make a difference, but the local populace still looks to the former superintendent for leadership. When Mandy lands in the middle of an old feud and someone keeps trying to kill her, instinct tells her to run. And though she has to literally swim through perilous waters, she finds a reason to stay and chance the odds.

Click here for the Amazon link for Cold River.



(For some reason I can't make the cover bigger. Sorry about that!)

Not What She Seems starts out with billionaire Steven Ashton trying to get away from the stresses of his life and business for a while, and finding some peace in a small town in Nebraska. He meets a young woman and her four year old son, and soon gets wrapped up in their life and trying to help them. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know that she is wanted for questioning in a murder and is thought to be a con woman. Events spiral out of control and Steven is torn between trying to help her and not knowing if he can really trust her.

Ms. Lieske writes a compelling mystery with a surprising twist at the end, and while the writing was choppy in a few places, I was on the edge of my seat and read this book in one sitting because I HAD to know who the villain was and it was driving me crazy that the one I thought was it really wasn’t. This is my first time reading this author and I will definitely pick up something from her again.

Here’s the Amazon description for it and it’s currently on Kindle for 0.99 cents:

Steven Ashton, a billionaire from New York, and Emily Grant, on the run from the law...and when they meet he can’t help falling for her. What he doesn’t know is that interfering in her life will put his own life in danger.

When billionaire Steven Ashton couldn’t stand his high society social life anymore, he left the stress of New York on a vacation for his soul. The need to meet real down to earth people led him to a small Nebraska town. He didn’t want to lie about who he was, but he couldn’t exactly tell them the truth.

Emily could have easily fallen in love with Steven, under different circumstances, but her past was catching up with her and she needed a new life. If the authorities found out about her, she could lose the one thing that meant everything, her four year old son.

Click here for the Amazon link.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and I hope you get to relax with your family and loved ones and maybe squeeze in reading a good book sometime this holiday weekend!

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Word Count Wednesday

Well, I had the wind taken out of my sails a bit this week. My muse left and every word I wrote was pulled out of me like the pulling of a tooth with very long roots and it wasn't very fun. Like doing dentistry with no anesthesia type of not fun.

It also wasn't very productive. I only got 2280 words this week.

Since it's a holiday weekend I might get a bit more time to write so I'm hoping to maybe triple that for next week and really finish up JuCanWriMo with a bang. Wish me luck!

How did you do in your word count this week?

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What Last Night's Eps of Castle and Hawaii Five-0 Taught Me

I have realized something about my two favorite shows and probably me in general. I think I love action driven stories more than relationship driven stories. I mean, when you look at things, there are a lot of similarities between Castle and Hawaii Five-O.

Both Hawaii Five-O and Castle have a lead who has had a parent murdered and there is an over-arching mystery surrounding it.

Both of them have leads with witty dialogue between them.

Both of them have a core team of four.

Both of them are trying to add new characters this season that audiences aren’t warming up to.

Both of the leads had bosses who were corrupt and killed off last season.

Both of them have co-workers who are getting married.

Both of them have partners who are dealing with being single fathers.

Both of them are set in recognizable locations.

However, as last night showed, they are also very different. Both eps were promo’d to be intense edge of your seat stuff, which I love. I waffled between which show to watch first and I was so excited.

I ended up watching Castle first and I have to say I was disappointed. For a relationship driven show, they sure didn’t show much relationship. The sniper story was very much in the background of Beckett’s PTSD, which was fine, except that I had seen the previews of Beckett losing it and I really thought that we would be able to see Castle at least giving her a hug in that hallway, or touchage of some sort. But all we got was Castle running to Esposito every five minutes to ask how to deal with a snapping Beckett.

There was hardly any interaction between the two main characters, and I’m getting weary of Beckett treating Castle badly and never apologizing really, just thanking him at the end and expecting him to come back for more the next day. It just seems like they’ve done the “always” thing and it’s losing its shine for me. *sigh*

I’m sorry. I still love the show, but I feel like it’s a relationship driven show that is now being drawn out in unnatural ways. Yeah, yeah, she has to solve her mother’s murder first, she has to see her shrink, she has a million reasons why she can’t move forward with Castle, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem like she has any feelings for Castle at all, she doesn’t let him in on anything she feels, and it’s all very one-sided so it bugs me.

Then I turned to Hawaii Five-O. Holy. Cow. From the very start we have the adrenaline going. Murder, mayhem, witty banter between the leads, secret mission to North Korea, shades of 24 running through my head with the torture scenes and knee pins being dug out of dead bodies, yet not over the top (no one could match Jack Bauer), rocket launchers blowing up bridges, and then the emotions of the rescue, the team pulling together in the face of betrayal and possible loss of their team leader. It was awesome from the get-go. And I know some were bugged by Lori hugging Steve at the end, but I don’t mind because I like the potential love-interest story.

Anyway, this is what I’ve learned from last night. I think I love action driven stuff better than relationship driven stuff. Both shows are great and I still love them both. But for now, Hawaii Five-O is really shining with the action and a side of potential romance. Castle is still there, but seems stalled with Beckett working on her issues and Castle waiting around. Hopefully something moves forward soon.

Have you ever thought that your TV choices reflected what kind of stories/books you like?

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