Book Review: Athena

I apologize for having a late blog today.  I went to see Les Miserables with my husband and I was completely blown away.  Hugh Jackman was amazing.  I don't think I've been pulled through a movie with that sort of emotion in a very long time.  I truly loved it.  

Then I ran to the store to grab a few more things for our New Year's Eve party and it was a madhouse!  The lines were long, the people were cranky (especially the lady barreling toward me with a phone to her ear and a cart in her hands that could have run me down!).  

But now I'm home and I finally have a moment to sit. I wanted to tell you about the last book I read in 2012.  Athena by Heather Moore is the final book in the series of four that tells us about the Newport Ladies Book Club.  This one gives us an in-depth look at the life of Athena who has seemed to be the most distant of the group so far, but this novel shows us how complicated her life truly is.  She owns an online magazine, she has a mom who wants her to get married and when she breaks up with her longtime boyfriend, her mom sets her up on blind dates hoping Athena will find a nice Greek boy.  She finds some solace in joining a book club and doing a few spontaneous things until an accident turns her life upside down and everything she ever thought about herself comes into question as she's pushed to her limits and beyond.

I loved the character growth in Athena and how real she felt.  I loved her insecurity and confusion and how she allowed herself to finally rely on someone besides herself.  I think the best part of this book, however, and one that sets it apart from the other three, was the romance.  It was so well done and truly showcases Heather Moore's talent in writing complex relationships.  From the first meeting to the slow build it is toe-curlingly good.  I loved our hero, I loved how he was with our heroine, and I loved the ending.  I think this one will go on my keeper shelf for sure, to be pulled out on rainy days when I want to re-read my favorite parts.

Here's the back copy:

Self-proclaimed bachelorette Athena Di Jasper is at the top of her game. Her online magazine is thriving, and she’s in a comfortably static relationship, free of the kind of commitment that could lead to marriage she’s seen her parents rocky union, and it’s not for her. When her on-again, off-again boyfriend Karl wants to move their relationship to the next commitment level, Athena’s obvious dismay leads him to challenge her workaholic tendencies. His accusation is true: she hasn’t even paused to read a novel in years. Determined to prove Karl wrong, Athena takes a break from her hectic schedule to peruse a used bookstore, where she meets Grey, the intriguing and single proprietor. Her quest for change and her desire to see more of Grey leads Athena to stray from her to-do list and join the Newport Ladies Book Club. 

When Athena’s world is turned upside down by a family tragedy, she’s left to care for her terminally ill father. Juggling the demands of attending to an ailing parent and running her business, Athena comes to value the friendships of the book-club members, and she finds herself relying more and more on Grey’s support. When she stumbles across an old shoebox in her mother’s closet, she’s stunned by its contents, which hold unexpected truths about her parents relationship. As Athena delves into a past that defies her judgment about her parents’ marriage, she is forced to reevaluate her views on life and love.

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First Page Friday

The last First Page Friday of 2012!  This year has flown by and I've learned so much.  I hope you have found it helpful.  We still have one spot open for January, so if you would like your first page critiqued, please follow the guidelines on the sidebar.

Thank you to our editors and authors from the bottom of my heart for all your hard work.  See you next week!


The Entry
Nightmare
by Holly Kelly

Present Day –Deep in the Mediterranean Sea

Jagged rocks twisted, towered over and surrounded Ax, cocooning him a dark, watery prison. The water current swirled, taunting his body with pungent odors from Panthon prison. The rotting stone structure loomed miles away. It didn’t surprise Ax that he smelled it. That place reeked. Still, he was glad for the stench. He counted on it to mask his own scent.

His hands clasped the jagged rocks behind him, anchoring him down. He faced forward. His powerful tail throbbed, jammed into a rocky crevice. If danger came, he’d meet it head on.

“Focus, breathe shallow, you’re nothing but algae on the rocks,” he chanted in his mind to keep the image of the Nightmare from building inside his head.

Nightmare…a fitting nickname for the most feared soldier in history. He’s also the Delphin who currently stalked Ax. And if the stories were even half right, the Nightmare could smell like a shark and attacked his prey just as ferociously.

“Focus, breathe shallow, you’re nothing but algae on the rocks.” Ax’s hands grasped the stones so tight they cut into his fingers. His tail flitted nervously as he attempted to ignore the sharp rock that gnawed in his back.

Yeah, right, this wasn’t pain. He’d taste real pain if the Nightmare found him. If he were religious, now would be a good time to pray. But which god would he pray to? The only god-like being that cared about a Delphin was Mother Calypso. And she’d strike him down if he tried praying to her. Hades was no better. The god of the underworld was likely making big plans to whip and torture him in Tartarus for eternity.

No, death was not an option. He must survive and to survive he had to hide. Normally he hid from no one, but the Nightmare wasn’t just any Delphin. He spelled death to the most vicious criminals and Ax definitely fit that bill. Ax had done things that would sicken most Delphins and he relished each moment.


Eschler Editing
Angela and Heidi's Comments

Positives

You’re off to a good, strong start – the tension is cranked right from the start. The mood of the setting matches the pervasive sense of danger for Ax. The unusual setting catches your attention, as does the protagonist – he’s definitely not going to be your run-of-the-mill hero.

A prison break (if that is indeed what is happening) is going to get readers’ attention. We like to root for an underdog, and a good prison-break story is always interesting, even if it’s the villain doing the escaping.

The references to mythology, the questions raised in this first page, and even the fact that this is happening in the present, all combine to whet our curiosity.

Logic and Logistics

Now, though you’re off to an interesting hook, just out of the starting gate, the story gets bogged down with logistical problems and vagueness. A few things to consider:

Is Ax breaking into or out of the prison? And how is the prison looming when it is miles away?

Does he reek because he’s been in the prison, or has he deliberately done that so he can blend into his surroundings better? Or is that his natural scent? And if the Nightmare has such a keen sense of smell, shouldn’t Ax be worried instead of glad that he has such a pungent aroma broadcasting his location?

Why is Ax trying to think of something other than Nightmare? Is Ax psychic? Or is Nightmare? Can he sense someone’s thoughts and fears like a shark drawn to blood, prompting Ax to block the tell-tale emotions? Or conversely, is Ax merely scared, and using a little psychology to bolster his courage?

Remember: Questions good. Confusion bad. You don’t need to over-explain. Sometimes just a slight rewording or a few extra details can provide illumination. (You can hold some info back to keep the reader turning pages; you just need to answer enough to dispel confusion and assure the reader that you will continue to provide more answers in due course.)

James Bond, Merman

A good rule when working with non-human main characters is to make them as simpatico as possible.

As Orson Scott Card argues so beautifully in Speaker for the Dead, what makes someone “human” is not their DNA but rather their ability to feel the higher emotions: compassion, empathy, love, and the ability to sacrifice themselves for the good of others. Anyone – be they alien or monster or mythological creature – if they are capable of understanding and acting upon these hallmark traits, can be considered human.

When you have characters in a story that are alien or non-human, readers will identify with them more, especially the main character, if you can focus on points of commonality. If Ax is a merman of some type (which he seems to be at first glance), you’ll have some obvious hurdles to overcome.

For one thing, if he doesn’t have legs, you’re going to be hard-pressed to give your story a romantic sub-plot (unless you give him a mermaid love interest)—something many women fantasy readers want. And you may want that love story, because if Ax is a merman, my guess is that not a lot of guys will be reading this. Many guys won’t touch a story about a merman, no matter how James Bond of the Sea you try to make him.  

I’m assuming he’s a merman because of the aquatic environment and because of his tail. Of course, you may be envisioning him as a normal humanoid, but with the addition of a tail (a la Beelzebub.) Clarify which he is: dolphin man (which the name Delphin, from the Greek for dolphin, implies) or something more demonesque. (Although even the sexiest demons in the currently popular sub-genre don’t generally have tails.)

No matter which, it would be important to make him as psychologically relatable to the reader as possible. If he is a merman, an alternative to explore may be to have him fall into the shape-shifter category – legs on land, tail in the sea. That may make him more accessible to a wider audience, and solve some of the logistical problems inherent in dealing with a merman as a main character.

Dazed and Confused

Because we don’t know enough of the context to start forming accurate impressions, it’s hard to get a handle on what’s happening. If Ax is escaping from prison, you could explore the possibility of starting the story just a little sooner, and letting the reader participate in the prison break, so to speak. A few deftly placed details can do a lot to clarify, for example, something as basic as: Ax would die before going back to prison – and if the Nightmare found him, that would be the case.

Consider starting the story a little sooner to give some context – or else drop some back-story hints. True, you don’t want to bog down a quick start/good action, but you’ve got to bring reader up to speed ASAP.

Anti-Hero

“Ax has done things that would sicken most Delphins” hints at a dark past. More disturbing is that he has “relished each moment.” It sounds like you are veering into anti-hero territory. If that’s intentional, fine. But again, it may limit your audience. Anti-hero can be tricky to pull off, even for literary fiction. Now, if you feel strongly about a story, you may not care about audience size. However, I would guess that 99.9 percent of all writers care intensely about audience size at some level. After all, without an audience, there is no point for the story. And a story you feel passionately about begs to be shared with as wide an audience as possible. Still, you don’t want to base your story only on audience size. The best bet is to strike a balance between being true to the vision of your story and bending to audience needs and wants, meaning some elements may have to be modified or compromised on. If Ax isn’t a complete anti-hero (maybe he’s more like Brandon Sanderson’s Alcatraz – just putting on a bit of a show) then you could soften his image by dropping how much he relishes his evil deeds. Or at least give a convincing rationale for why he feels that way. (Even Milton’s Satan believes he is justified in his actions, after all.)

Next Steps

You’ve got an interesting world and protagonist. There are enough elements here to create a compelling fantasy. But you’ll want to clarify at least some of the information so that the reader has a better idea of what is happening. Also, look for ways to humanize Ax and help the reader identify with him and sympathize with his situation. Good luck and happy writing!

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Kinda Thinking About Writing Again & A Cool Thing I Found

With the holidays coming to a close, my attention is turning to my manuscript again.  I even had a few ideas come to me.

I did find a cool worksheet (at www.martinaboone.com) with stuff to use in my character bible and I thought I'd share with you.

Here's her Character Brainstorming Worksheet

I really liked how in-depth it went and it made me stop and think about my characters in a new way.  (Thanks, Ms. Boone!) Not to mention that it's springboarding me in some plot ideas.  Sometimes you just need that as a writer.

I hope you find it helpful, too, and we'll all be writing like the wind in the new year.

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Happy Boxing Day!

I hope all my Canadian friends are enjoying Boxing Day today.  I am snug and cozy in my blanket with a new book I got for Christmas.  It's snowing outside and I'm grateful for a warm home and lots of leftover food from our Christmas celebration.

How do you celebrate the day after Christmas?

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Merry Christmas!

For all my blog family---

I hope you are surrounded by love today as we celebrate our Savior's birth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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Meeting the Browns from Sister Wives

So, I have a confession---I watch Sister Wives.  It's a TV show about a polygamous family, Kody Brown and his four wives.  It's interesting to see how they try to make things work and sometimes it's like a train wreck---you just can't look away.  Overall, though, it's been a show that I've enjoyed watching.

On Saturday night I'd had a bit of a stressful day with last minute shopping (for white elephant gifts.)  (I sort of hate those right now) and so my husband took me to my favorite shake shop to unwind.  While we were waiting for our order, Kody Brown walked in with his fourth wife Robyn.  They sat down at the table next to us.  It was interesting seeing them up close---they were shorter than they looked on TV (Robyn was really tiny!) and frankly, Robyn was a lot prettier in person.  They seemed really normal and nice.

We struck up a conversation with them and laughed a bit (over something I said.  I know!  Embarrassing) before we left.  (It's funny now that I'm looking back on it anyway.)  But I'm glad I got to meet them and find a little common ground by talking with them.

Have you ever met anyone famous?  Do you love white elephants?  Are you ready for Christmas morning tomorrow?

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First Page Friday

In my last minute Christmas shopping, I was at a women's department store and saw a very hairy man wearing a Kermit the Frog knitted hat and a low cut spaghetti strap dress, shimmying his way down the aisle.  The funniest thing was no one seemed to think much of it and went about their shopping.  I really want to put that sort of a character in one of my stories one day.  Maybe that was something on his bucket list, since the world's going to end today and all  Of course, if it is the last day of the world, I think it's important that we get another installment of First Page Friday, don't you?

(If the world doesn't end, then we'll see you next week!  As always, thank you to our authors and our amazing editors.)


The Entry
Effin' Albert
by Karen Edwards

The first time Albert had a episode—the first I know of, anyway—he was about three-and-a-half years old. I must’ve been eight. It was spring, I remember, because we was out back after one of them April showers.

Before it happened, we was squatting on the grass watching a worm poke his head out of a hole, grabbing blades of grass and pulling ‘em back in. I never saw nothing like that before in my life. I didn’t even know worms had heads, let alone mouths. I guess they got both.

So me and Albert’s watching this crazy worm and Albert says, “Mikie, feed it.”

“Huh?” I say.

“Feed it some grass,” Albert says.

So I pull up a blade of grass and dangle one end right over that hole, kind of like I’m fishing. We’re squatting there, me holding that blade of grass and Albert just watching, real quiet-like. I didn’t think nothing of it then, but now I think it’s weird he was so quiet, watching a worm like that.

I’m holding a piece of grass real close to the hole, trying to hold it real steady, and I glance over at Albert because he’s so quiet and I see he ain’t squatting no more. He’s kind of kneeling and swaying a little bit and his eyes’re wide open but he don’t see what I see, I can tell that right off. It’s like he’s watching something far away.

I say, “Albert. Hey. You all right?”

Nothing. He’s just staring and swaying on his knees.

So I grab hold of his shoulders—they was bare because he wasn’t wearing a shirt—and I pull him close and say, “Albert, hey. Wake up.”

He don’t though, and that scares me so I start jerking his body back and forth, you know how people do that when they’re holding somebody’s shoulders like that? I jerk his body and I’m saying, “Albert, wake up you hear me? Wake up right now you effin weenie, c’mon.” Then I see the life come back in his eyes. Just that fast it’s like the kid comes out of a trance or something. He looks right at me and he says, “Timmy V.”

Ms. Shreditor's Comments

Before I address the text itself, I should mention that this sample is longer than one page. It’s important to follow submissions guidelines to the letter, not because the three extra lines of text will take long to read, but because editors want authors who can follow instructions. Before you submit a manuscript or partial manuscript to an editor or agent, make sure that you haven’t broken any of the submissions guidelines. Submitting is hard work, and you don’t want to lose out on a technicality.

Writing an entire story in dialect is challenging. You have to present both exposition and dialogue in the narrator’s voice without confusing the reader. I’ve seen some lively debates about novels written in dialect; some are adamantly against it because it’s distracting, while others enjoy narratives that remain true to the character’s voice. I’m of split mind on the issue. I think that it works generally well in this story, but I found “a episode” in the first sentence to be jarring. As I continued reading, I quickly understood that this was dialect, but it still reads as an error to me even now. Perhaps rework the first sentence to eliminate this reference so that the reader’s first reaction isn’t, “There’s an error on the first line.”

What I hope doesn’t get lost in the dialect is the fact that the writing is really good. It flows well, and it works in vivid details in a way that feels organic. Overall, this piece has a childlike feel—from the narrator’s surprised reaction to the worm’s head to the “effin’ weenie” insult. If the intended audience is the middle grades (perhaps ages 9 to 12), I think this book has hit its mark.

There’s also a fair measure of suspense here. The reader is left wondering what is causing Albert’s episodes and who “Timmy V.” might be. These unanswered questions will motivate the tentative reader to continue beyond the first page.

Overall, I think that the voice in this piece is distinctive—not just because of the dialect, but because of how observant Mikie seems to be. He notices minute details, and a narrator with an eye for the little things is bound to weave a vivid story. He stands out in a lineup of other narrators in young adult or children’s fiction. 

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