First Page Friday & An Announcement

Today we have an announcement from Eschler Editing to kick off our First Page Friday.

Greetings, Writerly Friends!

We’re thrilled to announce the launch of the new and improved Eschler Editing! We’ve added some exciting features to our website and made good on our plans for bringing you fantastic content when it comes to everything writing, editing, and publishing related.
Every week we’ll be bringing you a brand-spanking-new blog post on critical topics to get you ready for publishing. Here’s a sneak peak at upcoming content:

·         Writing Craft help for fiction and nonfiction

·         Industry Insights to help you successfully navigate through the confusing and often frustrating world of publishing

·         ThursdayTherapy posts to keep you inspired, motivated, and de-stressed when it comes to your writing goals

·         Editor’s Nightstand posts to share what our team recommends in terms of resources, breakthrough reads, and insightful publications

·         Effective + Efficient marketing tips, because we know that while promoting will demand some of your attention, it’s not why you write


Craving insight on something specific? We’d love to hear from you! Drop us a line here with your requests and recommendations.

Loving our style and have something to contribute? Even better! We’re always on the hunt for guest bloggers on anything and everything writing related. Send us a message here with your post pitch and background info.

And last but not least: We’re kicking off an exciting raffle, just for you. When you join our mailing list, you’ll automatically be entered to win a free hour of editorial help from our team of experts--be it brainstorming feedback, help with your hook or query, or just some free editing!

So be sure to head on over to the new site and sign up for our weekly newsletter (eschlerediting.com)  to get stellar tips and a chance to win!

Hoping to hear from you soon,

Angela and the Team

That sounds so great, doesn't it? I love Eschler Editing and I'm so grateful for the help they give our authors every First Page Friday. Today we have a wonderful entry and I learned a lot about tweaking just a little to really bring a first page up to potential. As always, thank you to our author, JT Spell and to Eschler Editing for all their hard work. See you next week!

The Entry

Silver Mine

by JT Spell

Silver reached for the blaring klaxon of her cell phone going off at 11:30 p.m. These calls are never good. She took a deep breath then answered it.

“Silver here.” She tried to make it sound like she hadn’t just been asleep.

“Good. We have a driver on his way to pick you up from your house. He will probably arrive at oh-one-hundred hours.”

The Chief omitting his opening banter meant a tense situation.

“I guess that means I don’t get a choice on this one? What should I pack, Chief?” She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and rolled gracefully out of bed, an art she had plenty of practice with. She turned on the light and went to the closet. She pulled out her carry-on pack and opened it up on the rumpled bed.

“You know I can’t give you the details over the phone, but I’d suggest picking out some cool weather gear. Also, your passport.”

Passport? I hardly ever travel internationally. What’s going on?

“Chief, I’m putting you on speaker so I can prep while we talk. There’s no one else here.”

She looked over at her golden lab, rolling over and opening one sleepy eye at her.

“Except JJ,” she added. The mature dog whined and complained in a long monologue before standing on the covers, turning around and around and settling back in.

Comments from Eschler Editing

What’s working:

• You’ve got a cool name for your character. It’s definitely unique. It catches your attention, makes you wonder if it’s a given, nick, or surname. Silver conjures images of metal, knives, quicksilver. This character could be law enforcement, military, or even a supernatural crime-fighter (think silver bullet). At this point, I don’t know anything about what genre I’m in, but your choice of name has me thinking. That’s what you want.
• I also like your choice of syntax. You’ve got a nice mix of attention getting words (klaxon), words that convey texture and energy (banter, prep), and words used in an unexpected fashion (the dog’s monologue).
• Finally, you’ve given some interesting hints and clues about the setting and character. We’re guessing at this point, but it seems possible that she’s an officer or agent of some kind, although we don’t know for sure. That’s part of the fun of a story – using little details and clues to build up a theory of what is happening, who the character is, what the problem is going to be. A good writer can give enough clues that the reader can accurately predict some events, and at the same time, keep enough mystery that there’s room for surprise.

Things that need tweaking:

• The Chief omitting his opening banter meant a tense situation. The first assumption is that this is a direct thought because it is in italics. However, this does not sound like Silver’s thought. First off, the wording is in the wrong tense. Even in a past tense narrative, italicized thought is generally in present tense: The Chief omitting his opening banter means a tense situation.
  
  If you don’t italicize, this would work fine because readers will recognize that it’s what she’s thinking. But by putting it into italics, there’s an unspoken assumption that we are getting her thoughts in real time, and that is best done in present tense. Secondly, she wouldn’t think like that. It’s too formal. It’s more likely she would think something like: Something’s wrong. The chief never starts a conversation without joking. Or Crap, the Chief sounds tense.

• Passport? I hardly ever travel internationally. What’s going on? Again, this is not what a person would think. We wouldn’t need to remind ourselves that we never travel internationally, as we would know that. Passport? What’s going on? is enough to give us a sense that she usually doesn’t need it. The whole I hardly ever travel internationally sounds like you are feeding us information (which you are) because we won’t get it if you don’t, but we do. Give your reader the benefit of the doubt wherever you can. It cuts down wordy explanation, and makes the reader think. At the same time, it keeps the opening moving along briskly. Don’t put in any unnecessary verbiage that will bog the reader down.

• Chief, I’m putting you on speaker so I can prep while we talk. There’s no one else here. This sounds like she is saying it is okay for him to give her information, but he just said it wasn’t. At this point I am thinking she is a spy of some type and I wouldn’t be worried about someone in the room hearing them talk, but actually that the phone was tapped. If she’s a professional, she should be thinking along these lines, and wouldn’t make an amateur move like that. The point of this dialogue is a little lost on me—how does it contribute to plot or character development?

• She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and rolled gracefully out of bed, an art she had plenty of practice with. She turned on the light and went to the closet. She pulled out her carry-on pack and opened it up on the rumpled bed. She rubbed, she turned, she pulled. This is a trap every writer falls into occasionally. I call it a laundry list—just a list of activities or events, recounted without sentence variation. The good news is that this is an easy writing problem to solve. Just be sure to vary your sentences as you write—using different beginnings, lengths, and structure. Intersperse short, snappy sentences with longer compound sentences. Keep on the active side of the fence, but throw in an occasional passive phrase to keep things interesting. Mix dialogue with action, internal monologue with narrative exposition. Make one sentence lean and mean and fill the next with piquant details. There is a cadence and rhythm to writing, and you’ll add your own style and flair, but once you master this skill, you’ll be able to do it almost subconsciously. And even if you have to think about it from time to time, it will still result in a more interesting, dynamic telling of your story.

• The mature dog whined and complained in a long monologue before standing on the covers, turning around and around and settling back in.A car is on its way to get Silver and she needs to pack fast. This line made me think that she is watching the dog do all this, but she doesn’t have time. I like the detail in this line, but it contradicts the feeling you’re trying to impress on the reader—that something dicey is about to go down, that time is of the essence, that intrigue is lurking around the corner. This line will be great—after you’ve got the reader under your spell. First you need to focus on increasing the tension, the sense of danger, of something wrong in the universe that must be set right.

• There is some tension and conflict in this first scene, but it seems more told than shown. Silver doesn’t seem too concerned about this assignment. Even though her first thought is that it’s a tense situation, nothing that follows is tense. It’s great that you are trying to create a sense that something is wrong. Go ahead and crank that up. Be more direct. Give us more usable information. Is she already on a case? If so, maybe she has an inkling of what the chief is going to say. That could be shown in her thoughts.

Another option would be to start with the crime scenario. This story feels like it’s going to be a murder mystery, a thriller, or a spy novel. Start with the crime, the terrorist act, the body, the victim’s last minutes. They all move your story from zero to sixty in three seconds. If you start here with Silver, tell less and show more. Find something besides direct thought to reveal her. How does her body react, or not react in expected ways (involuntary physiology), what are her expectations, can the dialogue reveal more hints at what’s going on without spelling it out?

Your next steps:

You’ve got the potential for an interesting beginning. Little changes can make a big difference at the start of any story. Consider ways to wrap internal thought into the narrative. The best way to do this is simply as past tense statements of fact. When done correctly, this comes across smoothly as internal dialogue without the necessity of using italics every time you want to show what the character thinks or feels about something. For example: “The Chief never started a conversation without at least five minutes of banter—something was definitely wrong.” Statements like this imply what the character is thinking or feeling, without interrupting the flow of the story. Use direct italicized thoughts more to show personality rather than just convey information: use them to show that a character is witty, sardonic, arrogant, funny, or has very unique insights on life. You can slip information in there, but if you aren’t disguising it with more interesting character development and prose, it tends to put up a flag to the reader that you’re using it to sneak info it. Which has the opposite effect of being sneaky.

Next, be sure you are starting the story at the right place. When in doubt, start with murder and mayhem (then the next scene/chapter can be where the protagonist gets his/her mission to save the world—or at least catch the killer); or start with veryinteresting character development while conveying what’s at stake with saving the world. Your character currently has the potential to be interesting, but her thoughts/actions aren’t yet super unique and intriguing, so this scene isn’t pulling me out of my chair just yet. (If she were to pull a swimsuit from her closet, put on a wig and put in false teeth, and was thinking about whether she could handle plane food so soon after ingesting poison, this character-focused scene would be a great place to start.)

Make sure your characters act logically within the context of the story. (For instance, if they are spies, they need to follow protocol. Silver’s actions demonstrate her awareness of possible surveillance and why important info can’t be shared over the phone.) Be sure not to give unnecessary information that the readers can deduce on their own (such as letting the passport speak for itself), and at the same time, give enough that the story heats up fast (like what profession Silver is in and what the story-worthy problem is going to be).

Finally, become aware of your sentence structure and aim for lots of variety to avoid repetition and keeping things interesting. These steps will help you create an intriguing beginning and keep your readers hooked from start to finish. Best of luck and happy writing!


*Julie's note:  For some reason I was having formatting issues today and I couldn't fix it.  Please don't let that take away from Eschler Editing's great critique.  Hopefully I'll have this figured out . . . soon.  Thank you for your patience.

Read More

My Conference Presentation--How To Write Kick Butt Conflict

Well, as most of you know, I'm presenting at the Utah Valley Writers Lecture Series tomorrow on How to Write Kick Butt Conflict Using Action and Suspense.

As I've been prepping, there's several parts that are screaming for audience participation.  The only problem is, I'm worried that people might think I'm weird.  Or a few croutons short of a salad if you get my drift.  I mean, if someone is teaching you about building suspense and anticipation and has a large pin in their hand, would you be scared to be asked to come up and be an "assistant?"  Or, if we're talking about fight scenes, wouldn't it be more fun to "act" things out?  Oh man, my imagination is running away with me.

I even made a handout for my class. Want to see it?

Creating Kick-Butt Conflict Using Action and Suspense

by Julie Coulter Bellon

Conflict and suspense are two of the reasons we get lost in a book.  No matter what genre it is, we want to see what’s going to happen and how these characters will overcome the obstacles facing them.  Yet, sometimes writers don’t focus enough on keeping the tension taut and their readers in suspense.  These conflict techniques will make your writing compelling to any reader, draw them in, and keep them reading.

The Whole Point of the Story

            Main Conflict

            Secondary

What’s Your Problem?

            Internal

            External

Raise The Stakes¾As Kenny Rogers Would Say Know When to Hold ‘Em

            Reader Expectation

            Realism

            Deadlines

The Clock is Ticking¾Have You Created Suspense and Anticipation?

            Scene Pacing

            Hooks

            Tension

Is It Over? Resolution or Twist? Tips on What to Do and What to Avoid

            Organic

            Maguffins

            Deus ex machina

Writing Nuts and Bolts¾Choose Your Words

            Sentence Length

            Story Pacing

            The Tension Chart

            Character Goals and POV

Tips for Writing Action Scenes

The Domino Effect

Juggling the Action

True to Life

Tempo

           

Consequences

As you can see above, I even used my Kenny Rogers reference! I am so excited about this class. I wish you all could come. I mean, if you read that handout, wouldn't you want to come to it? Maybe I should have jazzed it up and put a graphic of a bomb under the table or something. Hopefully it's as fun and interesting in real life as it has been to prepare for it. And that people think it's helpful. Cross your fingers for me, okay? And maybe send good thoughts to the people I rope into being my "assistants." *evil grin*

What are you going to do this weekend? Anything fun?

Read More

Word Count Wednesday

Well, I walked just under fourteen miles this week and added almost fourteen hundred words.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I love the feeling of accomplishment though.

And I am totally loving my new heroine.  Bart's having a few issues so we're on a break right now.  Haha.

How did you do this week word-wise?  Are you still loving your story?

Read More

Three Things That Motivate Me To Write In The Summer

Summertime is usually a difficult time for writing, especially writers who are moms.  Somehow having all those kids home isn't really conducive to the writing process.  As you all know I'm in the middle of drafting the third book in my Hostage Negotiation series and so I have to motivate myself to write this summer.  I've been analyzing what's working for me lately and thought I'd share.

1.  The Notebook

The computer isn't available to me on a regular basis during the summer because 1. kids need my attention during the day and 2. because I'm not willing to get up early and use it like some other highly motivated (read: crazy in my book!) writer moms I know.  And sometimes when I do have the computer time, I get in the zone only to be interrupted to referee an argument, answer questions, or help someone with something.  So, in order to get something done, I've been going old school.  I take my notebook everywhere---to the pool while I watch swim lessons, to the table while the kids are coloring or writing letters, and I've even read some of what I've written for storytime.  (My poor kids!  No, I'm at a really exciting part so the boys love it.)  Then, when I have the computer, I just type in the scenes I've written (and add, revise, and edit at the same time so win/win!)

2.  Walking

There are studies that prove that exercise increases synapses to the creative side of your brain and I believe that to be true because whenever I get on my treadmill, the ideas really flow.  So, this summer I have started walking a couple miles a day to work out plots, characters, and dialogue.  It really does work, and although I have to carve out the time, it's so worth it for both my waistline and my storyline!

3.  Accountability

I have to have you guys on my blog every Wednesday and my critique group twice a month check in on my progress.  If I know I'm going to have to report to someone, I'm much more likely to get down to the nitty gritty and get my goals for the day/week accomplished.  Very motivational.  And then when I achieve my goals, I've given myself little rewards like buying a new book or something like that.

What's keeping you motivated this summer?

Read More

Book Review: Be Mine

I apologize for the late posting.  Mondays are the great and terrible day for me now.  Great because I get to hear from my missionary son, terrible because it's hard for me to wait for that email and I can't really concentrate or do anything else until I get that email.

Today I want to tell you about the book Be Mine by Sandra Flynn Norton.  It's a suspense, with a crazy stalker, and frankly, it reminded me a lot of Michaelbrent Collings book,  Blood Relations.  The plots are very similar with the stalker theme and the twists at the end.  And they are both enjoyable books.

Be Mine introduces us to a fashion designer named Erin Lewis.  She has a practically perfect life, a great job, an incredible marriage, everything is going her way.  Until she starts to feel like she's being watched and the great things in her life disappear one by one.  I bet you can guess where that leads.

There are two points of view in the story, Erin and the stalker.  I enjoyed Erin's POV, and liked how layered her character was.  Sometimes her dialogue was a bit stilted, but overall she was a great character and very relatable.  The stalker's POV seemed cliched at times and a bit predictable, but most stalker stories have that issue.  I thought the author did well at hitting all the tension and suspense beats and I was pulled into the story because of that.  There was a twist at the end that surprised me and left me unsettled because of the way the story had been written, but I don't think that's a bad thing.  I would definitely read another book by this author because of her talent at suspense.

Here's the back copy:

He knows where she works.

He knows where she lives.

And soon, they’ll come face-to-face.

Erin Lewis is an up-and-coming fashion designer building up her career in New York City. With a loving husband, a great assistant, and working in the field of her dreams, she couldn’t be happier.

But perfection can’t last forever.

When a long string of tragedies shakes Erin to her core, she doesn’t know how to keep moving forward day by day. And when she is targeted by a brutal serial killer, she must find the inner strength she never knew she had just to survive.

Read More

First Page Friday

I'm so glad it's Friday.  I look forward to seeing the First Page Friday segment every week.  Today we're talking a bit about inner dialogue and strong openings.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

If you would like your first page critiqued by a national editor, submit your double-spaced, 12 pt. font first page in a Word document to juliecoulterbellon@gmail.com  We have openings in July!

Thank you so much to Alison and Ms. Shreditor for their time and effort.  It is greatly appreciated.  See you next week!

The Entry
The Agreement

by Alison Love

Church was just letting out. Here are there you could see children chasing each other down the sidewalk, sometimes dragging an older sibling along. The brilliant sun beat down on parents and children alike as they chatted outside with friends. It was a happy scene to behold, with one exception.

In the shade of an oak tree a boy sat sullenly in a parked minivan. The doors were slid open in an attempt to catch a breeze. With arms crossed tightly and eyebrows drawn in anger; Bruce Beans was not happy. How could she? Why would she ever do this to him? What had he done to deserve this? Squinting up at the sky Bruce noticed a small grey cloud drift over. Bruce imagined filling the cloud with all his feelings of anger and frustration until it grew large enough to dominate the sky. He closed his eyes and willed the wind to blow. He could just see the gale force currents ripping through and sending down hail! Torrents of rain would flood down, soaking his mother…

“Boos!” a small voice called.

“Huh?!?” Bruce was shaken from his daydream . He had been concentrating so hard on his vision of meteorological terror that he hadn’t even noticed that he was not alone in the van anymore. Across from him Booker, his 3 year old brother had climbed into his car seat.

“Boos seep?” Booker asked.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping.” Bruce grumbled. “I just want to go home.”

Ms. Shreditor's Comments

The most effective part of the first paragraph is the last part of the last sentence. The author sets an idyllic scene and then dismantles it with just three words: “with one exception.” It’s a nice literary fake-out. However, I found myself distracted by the obvious error in the second sentence (“here are there”). There are a few proofreading errors on this page, mainly at the punctuation level, that should be addressed before submitting to an editor or agent.

There are some intriguing elements in play here. Bruce has been betrayed by his mother in some way, as evidenced by his internal monologue in the second paragraph. Be careful with italicized inner thoughts; these should be phrased exactly as they would occur in the person’s head. You generally want to avoid third-person perspective and the past perfect tense. Bruce would likely think, How could she do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?

The reader can sense Bruce’s pain as he fantasizes about channeling his pain into the cloud so that it expands and then rains down upon the person who has betrayed him. It’s poignant. My only caveat here would be to avoid exclamation points in descriptive text. For the most part, there should be enough cues in a non-dialogue sentence to convey urgency without the exclamation point. I’d generally advise saving the exclamation points for dialogue—and, even then, I’d recommend using them sparingly.

There are some clues on this first page that indicate where this might be going. I imagine the story will zero in on Bruce’s conflict with his mother. The reader is left wondering what happened between them to make Bruce so angry, which is the right kind of question to be asking after a first page—a page-turning question. My instinct, however, is that this first page would be better served if the inner thoughts moved to the beginning. Church letting out doesn’t seem like a strong enough opening detail, but Bruce’s anger at his mother does. Making this move would necessitate some reworking of the first page, but I think it would go a long way in fortifying the opening and snaring reader interest right off the bat.

Read More

IB Nosey Gets Nosy With Me

I have to tell you I had one of the most entertaining and well, um, strange interviews ever by crack reporter IB Nosey.  I wasn't sure how things were going to go because the questions were so . . . It's just . . . I can't describe it.  You're going to have to go read it yourself.  Click here

As a former journalist myself I've never seen anyone quite like IB Nosey.  Definitely an interview I will print out and read again and again.  Save for posterity.  You know, put in my personal funny papers to bring out when the writing isn't making me laugh anymore.

Thank you for the interview IB.  It was unforgettable!

What kind of author interviews are your favorite?  Crazy or serious?  Fun or factual?

Read More